My 2020 Vision
I've been away for so long from these postings, don't be offended. I used to write three times a week, because I needed to, in the maelstrom of early transitioning. Now, things are calmer, my gender feels more normal, we've reached the point where it's all about finishing my PhD in Trans Female Representations in the Americas this summer. My personal Everest, it's blustery up here, rain and wind, and pretty grey. But I can see the mountain peak above me.
Down there in the real world, all public events, including football, have generously been postponed so as not to distract me. There is nothing else. When you've been climbing a mountain for nearly four years, you reach a point where it's not about anything anymore. Hand goes after hand, one foot after another, eyes half-closed in the bluster and the cold, teeth gritted, the piercing shriek of winds barely registering, like the TV turned down low. Like Frodo and Sam crawling up the craggy slopes of Mount Doom, you're there to throw the damn ring into the fire, you're not there to admire the view of Mordor.
Coming off hormones and blockers hasn't helped this final part of the journey, you can read about it in my blog post Sterile like the moon. It leaves me feeling flat, but it's not forever.
It's 2020 and my view has never been narrower. What the hell am I doing on this mountain . . .