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What's On? 06.07.17


What's On? 06.07.17

The international football competitions are over, I have no TV or Internet (at home), it's time to re-focus on what's important. And that means Spiderman.

The third iteration of Spiderman. Why can't we have Spiderwoman? I remember the animated series of Spiderwoman back in the eighties, she was able to fly and looked pretty cool in red and yellow. If there's one superhero who could effortlessly cross the gender divide, it's our friendly neighbourhood spiderman/woman. Women will always look better in lycra than men, and the Olympic Games is proof of the superior agility of the best female gymnasts. I think they've missed a trick.

Yes, thinking about it, I'm bored of lantern-jawed machismo, of Ben Affleck's Batman, jutting his jaw at Henry Caville's Superman, who tenses his muscles accordingly. They'll throw things at each other, because they're super strong, but here's the thing, because they're invincible, they'll cancel each other out, they'll throw things at each other but won't get hurt. I think an enterprising director should go the whole hog and have Batman and Superman charge at each other and in slow-mo, we'll watch their jaws clash against each other. Perhaps someone's jaw will give way. And that will be that.

Back to Spiderman. I will go and see it. I forgive Spiderman his entry into Captain America: Civil War; after all, Tom Holland's boyish Spiderman was the only good thing in it. I will go because great villains make these films work, and this latest Spiderman will go head to head with Michael Keaton's 'Vulture.' And Michael Keaton is worth the admission fee alone.

But no matter how good this popcorn movie turns out, I wish I were going  to watch Spiderwoman instead.

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