Transgender Life

I don’t want this site to be solely about being transgender. From my experiences so far, it’s not even something I could write about every week – being in the closet is far more intense and frustrating and writeable. However, there are moments when things happen, unique to trans people. I’d like to share those moments with you, and let you into the mystery.

2019 I am ready for you

the-care-bears-movie-animated-movies-17277084-1067-80_20190106-141808_1

2019 I am ready for you

After a Christmas of deadnaming, trans-shaming and get-in-the-car-quick confidence-maiming, I am back, like a fist through a million-dollar painting.

I am adult enough now to disregard what's not important, as I survey the field before me. I am unlikely to romance or murder anyone. I'm also not planning to die. I will work hard and complete my PhD, while taking tutorials effectively and preparing efficiently (remember, Gina, you're paid for only one hour of prep-time). I will ensure the conference Transgender: Intersectional / International will be a success come May.

By the next New Year's Eve, I will be the last figure standing in a sodden field, axe dripping with the pain of my enemies (self-hate; insecurity; procrastination – if you're asking). I will sling that axe against my shoulder and trudge off the field, knowing I gave everything – and kicked arse. But dear reader, don't be put off by such violent imagery: it's all about me and my own underworld. As Freud famously either said or didn't say: where the id was, the ego shall be. I shall tame the internal chaotic doubts that cripple and distract me. I have turned myself into Gina already, no small thing. This year sees me becoming Gina Plus. Uber Gina; a combination of Nietzsche and the Care Bears. Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. Exist within rainbows.

My biggest disappointment this Christmas was watching the 10am Christmas morning service on TV. I'm not a Christian but it had started to become a Christmas morning ritual for me to watch the Archbishop of Canterbury (the quietly impressive Justin Welby) address everyone listening about reaching out, whatever your denomination. But this time, it was some other bloke, at a church in Oldham, talking narrowly about Jesus Christ and the miracle of his/His birth and Isn't Jesus Great. It felt like naval gazing, a missed opportunity. Most people are not Christians, but everyone needs to hear about compassion. I live in a country that's racist and treats rich people like idols. We don't talk about humanity or death; we don't even talk about climate change. We talk about property portfolios and immigration. We talk about austerity.

So 2019 is about me, but it's also about us. Austerity is a choice fuelled by greed, manipulation, and dehumanization. Compassion and solidarity are forever, while the amount of time each of us have on Earth is limited. This isn't what the priest talked about on Christmas morning and it's not what the politicians and the media are discussing but they are my final words as I enter the fray of utopian/dystopian 2019 as it lies glistening with early morning dew before me. Good luck, everyone.

A Brexit Feminism That Fears And Excludes
Transgender milestone (#5): visiting a foreign cou...
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Guest
Tuesday, 17 September 2019

Captcha Image

My Latest Posts

August 21, 2019

Hearty by Emma Frankland

Hearty by Emma Frankland Raw and dripping with punk aesthetic, this one-woman-show's one-woman emerges in ripped tights and a T-shirt that paraphrases loudly the words of anti-trans theorist Germaine Greer: Lop Your Dick Off. My first impression of Emma Frankland is edgily uncertain and in awe, her Lady-Gaga-looks combined with Heath Ledger's mesme...
August 21, 2019

Pronoun, Pass, & Amnesty International

Transgender drama: Pronoun To be clear at the outset, this was the production of a youth theatre group, not a highly resourced team of experienced, professional career actors – although some of the performances left a powerful impression, and the show as a whole achieved some remarkable moments. Pronoun , written by Evan Placey, follows the transit...
August 13, 2019

Transgender Dance: Sound Cistem

Transgender Dance: Sound Cistem It starts with a heartbeat, the dancer-directors Lizzie and Ayden in slow-motion entry, setting the scene of a nightclub featuring two young transgender bodies who are in fact multiple. Sound Cistem is theatrical dance set to a series of pulsing, dance-floor rhythms and the voices of several trans interviewees projec...
August 04, 2019

Drone by Harry Josephine Giles

Drone by Harry Josephine Giles The blurring of human and machine reiterates here in a comedically surreal, startling performance by the performance poet Harry Josephine Giles. Drawing on visual and aural effects, Giles presents the disturbingly evocative middle-class arc of the life of an electronic, military drone. With Giles as both narrator and ...
August 03, 2019

Burgerz by Travis Alabanza

Burgerz by Travis Alabanza Playing currently at the Traverse Theatre is Travis Alabanza's poignant and comic one-person show, a thought-provoking meditation created out of a jarring personal experience. Back in 2016, Alabanza, a non-binary person of colour, was abused in a London street, with a burger thrown at them by a stranger. The show's series...
August 03, 2019

While transphobes get more hateful, I become more freckly

While transphobes got more hateful, I became more freckly Written weeks after the conference Transgender: Intersectional/International There's nothing good to say, even the films I enjoyed watching this past week, Midsommar and Apollo 11 , I've lost the Sunday will to write. Perhaps Brexit Britain will become like the village cult in Midsommar , bu...
June 09, 2019

Dark Phoenix, John Wick 3, Godzilla: my reflections

Three fantasy movies within three days: X Men: Dark Phoenix; John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum; Godzilla: King of the Monsters The Lacanian feminist Kaja Silverman says about cinema, we go because we need the affirmation, to see the things we hope to see and fail to see in the real world. In Lacanian-speak, Silverman says we go because 'the desire ...
June 02, 2019

Personal Reflections on Transgender: Intersectional/International

Personal reflections on the conference Transgender: Intersectional/International (28-29 May) ​​Note: these reflections do not represent anyone else who contributed to Transgender: Intersectional/International I got involved with Transgender: Intersectional/International in order to create an LGBT/queer space that accommodated discussions on racism,...
April 28, 2019

Gina's Moving Castle

Saturday afternoon 27.04.19 Enough with marking papers. Enough about conferences. Outside is a blue sky. There's a book shop nearby, my temple, its owners are trying to remove stickers of transphobic messages pasted on their door. Yesterday I met a guy who'd been set upon by a group of 17-year-olds. He still had the scars, and the trauma. They saw ...