I don’t want this site to be solely about being transgender. From my experiences so far, it’s not even something I could write about every week – being in the closet is far more intense and frustrating and writeable. However, there are moments when things happen, unique to trans people. I’d like to share those moments with you, and let you into the mystery.
Autumn Serenity 03.08.17
September has started, the month I hated in adolescence, when it meant school, a place to survive and not enjoy, and definitely not thrive within.
But now? I'm coming back from a sun-drenched Wasteland, of a summer spent abandoning my studies for work, the kind I thought I'd left behind in 2015. Of the positives, the students at the summer school have liked my lessons, and things are winding down to only two more weeks. What I take from this Wasteland is that I am employable as a transgender woman, and will return to my research with a different perspective of this town and my place in it. Soon I will start a part-time paid internship within the University. On the side, I'll broaden my knowledge as a managing-editor of an online student journal that I wrote for last year, Inciting Sparks. September the month I used to hate, but which I now approach laid-back and quite excited.
Reflection: I love Autumnal weather. The sun is bright in Autumn-Winter, more than in the summer as you walk along uneven streets, shielding eyes in the cool air. I know I should think these coming seasons bleak, but I would call Autumnal daytime light divine, as I move uncertainly among the fallen red and yellow leaves and stagnant pools of rainwater, barely able to see from the crisp sunlit glare. Things become elemental, it's all about the light, the leaves, the leafless trees.
Things to do over coming weeks and months: subscribe to Netflix and Amazon Prime to watch Sense8 and Transparent, which I'll feature in my studies. Get re-acquainted with Jacques Lacan and Judith Butler. It feels recently like I've ixnayed everything except the bad news online, about Trump, the KKK and terrorism, while Yemen and Syria get bombed, and I wouldn't want to live in the Central African Republic.
Here I am, lying on a bed in solitude and silence. No love or Internet, just the blue sky from my bedroom window, I'm smiling at the light of coming Autumn.
Ps on the use of the double photo, I couldn't decide which to use, and in the end, as is my way, I gave up trying.