Transgender Life

I don’t want this site to be solely about being transgender. From my experiences so far, it’s not even something I could write about every week – being in the closet is far more intense and frustrating and writeable. However, there are moments when things happen, unique to trans people. I’d like to share those moments with you, and let you into the mystery.

Autumn Serenity


Autumn Serenity 03.08.17

September has started, the month I hated in adolescence, when it meant school, a place to survive and not enjoy, and definitely not thrive within.

But now? I'm coming back from a sun-drenched Wasteland, of a summer spent abandoning my studies for work, the kind I thought I'd left behind in 2015. Of the positives, the students at the summer school have liked my lessons, and things are winding down to only two more weeks. What I take from this Wasteland is that I am employable as a transgender woman, and will return to my research with a different perspective of this town and my place in it. Soon I will start a part-time paid internship within the University. On the side, I'll broaden my knowledge as a managing-editor of an online student journal that I wrote for last year, Inciting Sparks. September the month I used to hate, but which I now approach laid-back and quite excited.

Reflection: I love Autumnal weather. The sun is bright in Autumn-Winter, more than in the summer as you walk along uneven streets, shielding eyes in the cool air. I know I should think these coming seasons bleak, but I would call Autumnal daytime light divine, as I move uncertainly among the fallen red and yellow leaves and stagnant pools of rainwater, barely able to see from the crisp sunlit glare. Things become elemental, it's all about the light, the leaves, the leafless trees.

Things to do over coming weeks and months: subscribe to Netflix and Amazon Prime to watch Sense8 and Transparent, which I'll feature in my studies. Get re-acquainted with Jacques Lacan and Judith Butler. It feels recently like I've ixnayed everything except the bad news online, about Trump, the KKK and terrorism, while Yemen and Syria get bombed, and I wouldn't want to live in the Central African Republic.

Here I am, lying on a bed in solitude and silence. No love or Internet, just the blue sky from my bedroom window, I'm smiling at the light of coming Autumn.

Ps  on the use of the double photo, I couldn't decide which to use, and in the end, as is my way, I gave up trying.

The Sadness of Immaturity
The Uplift 30.08.17


No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Friday, 25 September 2020

Captcha Image

What's On This Week

My Latest Posts

July 01, 2020

Silenced by The Scotsman

​ On 11 June, The Scotsman published a deeply hostile article against transgender rights and activism in an opinion piece about the JK Rowling furore by its deputy political editor Gina Davidson. After much distress, I wrote a counter article which The Scotsman quietly ignored, after they had offered to pass it on to their Comment Editor. I experie...
May 11, 2020

The Book of Queer Prophets, curated by Ruth Hunt

in Books

  The Book of Queer Prophets: 24 Writers on Sexuality and Religion The historically fraught relationship between Abrahamic religions and LGBT+ identities provides the backdrop to The Book of Queer Prophets , a collection of twenty-four meditations by public figures who identify as both religious and LGBT+. The book's curator, the for...
May 09, 2020

Queer/Transgender short film: Mesmeralda

Joshua Matteo's short film, Mesmeralda , merging horror with esoterica, is now out on youtube . As with his previous work Metanoia , we see youthful trans actors racing through the empty streets of a moonlit New York, haunted by symbols and stalked by a masked figure of violent intentions. Mesmeralda , as described by Matteo, is the companion ...
March 08, 2020

Sterile like the moon: the joys of transgender healthcare

Sterile like the moon: the joys of transgender healthcare Summer, 2016: Gina's Big Bang, as transitioning begins A bureaucratic question in a sun-lit room. My medical practitioner asks me if I intend to have children. The question lingers, but the self-loathing is instant. No, I won't be having children. The practitioner nods. She moves on to the n...
November 10, 2019

General Election

General Election 12 December 2019 I spent the last election in an office, alone but for the company of a colleague. We watched the BBC's coverage while I drank wine, downbeat and expecting austerity and the absence of hope to triumph. Then we saw the exit poll and hung around, disbelieving at the sight of the kindled embers and lukewarm glow of a f...
October 05, 2019


October 05, 2019


Joker The trailer did its work, flashing images of anomie and fury perfectly pitched for these unstable times of precarious working conditions, grievance and institutional indifference. For these same reasons, Joker , directed by Todd Phillips and starring Joaquin Phoenix as the protagonist, has attracted pre-release criticisms like few other recen...
September 29, 2019

Resisting Whiteness event 2019

Resisting Whiteness one-day event, Edinburgh Returning for the second consecutive year, Resisting Whiteness came yesterday to the Pleasance Theatre in Edinburgh, providing an intense and inspiring series of panels, as well as a wonderful spoken word section, and a final segment based around the documentary short Invisible by internationally-acclaim...
August 21, 2019

Hearty by Emma Frankland

Hearty by Emma Frankland Raw and dripping with punk aesthetic, this one-woman-show's one-woman emerges in ripped tights and a T-shirt that paraphrases loudly the words of anti-trans theorist Germaine Greer: Lop Your Dick Off. My first impression of Emma Frankland is edgily uncertain and in awe, her Lady-Gaga-looks combined with Heath Ledger's mesme...
August 21, 2019

Pronoun, Pass, & Amnesty International

Transgender drama: Pronoun To be clear at the outset, this was the production of a youth theatre group, not a highly resourced team of experienced, professional career actors – although some of the performances left a powerful impression, and the show as a whole achieved some remarkable moments. Pronoun , written by Evan Placey, follows the transit...