Transgender Life

I don’t want this site to be solely about being transgender. From my experiences so far, it’s not even something I could write about every week – being in the closet is far more intense and frustrating and writeable. However, there are moments when things happen, unique to trans people. I’d like to share those moments with you, and let you into the mystery.

Gina's Trans Diary, 05.12.16: In the Blink of an Eye

Gina's Trans Diary, 05.12.16: In the Blink of an Eye
Gina's Trans Diary, 05.12.16: entry 17 In the Blink of an Eye The picture accompanying this post is of a French graphic novel that I came across once, I'm in love with the otherworldly images. The girl in the picture is a version of me, or of an attitude of me. Life, this image says, is sometimes an ocean bearing monsters. You face it with att...
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Gina's Trans Diary, 27.11.16: Highs and Lows and Highs Again

Gina's Trans Diary, 27.11.16: Highs and Lows and Highs Again
Gina's Trans Diary, 27.11.16: entry 16 Highs and Lows and Highs Again On Thursday I went to my graduation ceremony for my MSc in Creative Writing. The graduation ceremony is supposed to be a celebration of your potential. At the ceremony's end, I realised I had lost my coat, an expensive one and also one that kept me warm. It's winter here in ...
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Gina's Trans Diary, 20.11.16 The Cup Overfloweth

Gina's Trans Diary, 20.11.16 The Cup Overfloweth
Gina's Trans Diary, 20.11.16: entry 15 The Cup Overfloweth The first unstable 'moment' came in a dream. I was playing football on a field, in a mixed gender game. My team was always one or two goals ahead, and I was either the goal scorer or goal-maker each time. A really enjoyable game. I woke up in darkness wondering why I'd dream such a dream. W...
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Gina's Trans Diary, 11.11.16 The World Around Me

Gina's Trans Diary, 11.11.16 The World Around Me
Gina's Trans Diary, 11.11.16: entry 14 The World Around Me And then America made its choice. Without a TV or the Internet, I had to wait until I'd got to university (I was in at about 7am, so made an effort of sorts) to find out what had happened in the Presidential Election in America. I was originally shocked, but I remember being a lot more sadd...
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Gina's Trans Diary 06.11.16 When You Feel You're Losing It

Gina's Trans Diary 06.11.16 When You Feel You're Losing It
Gina's Trans Diary, 23.10.16: entry 13 When You Feel You're Losing It Insanity appears to appear when I can't control things. For me, nothing brings on the appearance of insanity like technology gone wrong (I suck at I.T.). Three days ago, a file of notes I'd typed up disappeared. I was stunned, being sure I'd saved the file. I remember moping over...
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Gina's Trans Diary, 30.10.16: The Danger of Being Incompetent

Gina's Trans Diary, 30.10.16: The Danger of Being Incompetent
Gina's Trans Diary, 30.10.16: entry 12 The Danger of Being Incompetent Last night I took a bus to Musselburgh to see old friends. It didn't take me there; it took me to Dalkeith and beyond. I thought I'd worked out the route online, I thought the '33' bus would take me there. When I got on, I asked the driver, 'Is this going to Musselburgh?' The dr...
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Gina's Trans Diary 23.10.16 When the Mirror Lies

Gina's Trans Diary 23.10.16 When the Mirror Lies
Gina's Trans Diary, 23.10.16: entry 11 When the Mirror Lies It was in The Matrix that I first heard of residual self-image, the picture of ourselves that we carry around with us in our heads. It's the perfect us, the 'Dorian Gray' portrait that never ages. It affects us all to some degree, at least in the West, where our faces are so important to u...
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Trans Diary: 22.10.16 On Lady Gaga

Trans Diary: 22.10.16 On Lady Gaga
Gina's Trans Diary, 22.10.16: entry 10 On Lady Gaga Lady Gaga's new album, Joanne, was released yesterday. It's not the album I needed it to be. Admittedly I've been listening to it without headphones on a tinny computer, but I can tell it's not the sumptuous, lush, melodic orgasm I needed. It sounds raw. Gaga doing her own thing, not giving a fuck...
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Trans Diary 16.10.16 On Taking Hormones (I)

Trans Diary 16.10.16 On Taking Hormones (I)
Gina's Trans Diary, 16.10.16: entry 9 On Taking Hormones (I) Notice the 'I' in the heading: I'm sure there will be updates on this subject. I hope to God there will be a need for updates on this subject. I've been on hormones since late June and so far the effect is minimal. Still, this is something to record in a diary, to let any reader out there...
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Gina's Trans Diary, 09.10.16: These Doubts I Have

Gina's Trans Diary, 09.10.16: These Doubts I Have
Gina's Trans Diary, 09.10.16: entry 8 These Doubts I Have I could have written about several things with this entry. In the end, I've decided to opt for what I think could be the source of a general period of psychological malaise. I think I'm feeling low at the moment because everything seems so normal, to the point where I wonder what it would be...
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Gina's Trans Diary: On Self-Pity and Bitterness

Gina's Trans Diary: On Self-Pity and Bitterness
Gina's Trans Diary, 01.10.16: entry 7 On Self-Pity and Bitterness I was at a dinner party the other evening. Nice people, great food, delicious wine. The kind of night that should send you to sleep with a smile on your face. I woke up at five in the morning, feeling sad about my life. When you're 41, it can be strange, sitting in the company of tho...
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Gina's Trans Diary: On Finding Work

Gina's Trans Diary: On Finding Work
Gina's Trans Diary, 25.09.16: entry 6 On Finding Work I won't pretend that coming out hasn't hurt me financially. I used to be an EFL teacher, working abroad, and by the end of my career, I was a very well-qualified academic manager. In Edinburgh, I focused on my Masters, but when my MA was winding down this summer, I needed to start thinking about...
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On Paranoia

On Paranoia
Gina's Trans Diary, 17.09.16: entry 5 On Paranoia It starts with a couple's laughter. I have spent a peaceful late afternoon at Waterstones and am walking along Edinburgh's high street when I come to traffic lights and I wait. I'm staring into space, perhaps too much, like a zombie. I look up and I see the two girls giggling opposite me, having tak...
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Weather for Transsexuals

Weather for Transsexuals
Gina's Trans Diary, 11.09.16: entry 4 It was sunny and cool this morning in Edinburgh, perfect for walks. It's half past one now, and the clouds are obscuring the sky and the wind is up. Ah yes, the wind; no ordinary wind here on the east coast of Scotland. We're talking the kind that destroys the weak umbrellas in seconds, and turns strong ones in...
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Gina’s Trans Diary, 05.09.16 Clothing I can't wear?

Gina’s Trans Diary, 05.09.16 Clothing I can't wear?
What to make of this T-shirt? I saw one several years ago with 'gay' instead of 'trans,' then saw this T-shirt during the Edinburgh Festival. First thing's first: Stonewall are a civil rights group that have championed the rights of LGBT people since their creation in 1989, and deserve credit for their courage as well as helping to make the UK a mo...
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Gina’s Trans Diary, 02.09.16 My First Selfie

Gina’s Trans Diary, 02.09.16 My First Selfie
This photo is my first selfie (taken on a selfie-stick, no less), and I'm sharing it with you all as part of a shift in my regard to myself. What does it represent? Previously, I'd got to the stage of so hating how I looked (as a man) that I wouldn't allow people to photograph me. Case in point: last Christmas (2015), the students on my course had ...
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Gina's Trans Diary, 22.08.16 Stopped in the Street

Gina's Trans Diary, 22.08.16 Stopped in the Street
​Speaking of which, something did happen to me yesterday, out on the street near Nicolson. I was walking home, it wasn't pissing down this time, grey skies and a cool breeze, one of my favourite types of weather.  A guy was waving me over as I crossed the road, smiling like he knew me. He didn't, but began to chat confidently to me. Questions ...
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