Transgender Life

I don’t want this site to be solely about being transgender. From my experiences so far, it’s not even something I could write about every week – being in the closet is far more intense and frustrating and writeable. However, there are moments when things happen, unique to trans people. I’d like to share those moments with you, and let you into the mystery.

My World Cup diary (I)

Gina-World-Cup-diary-I

My World Cup diary (I)

Saturday Night

My flatmate and I hosted a Beatles-themed party a few weeks ago. I chose the simple route for my Beatles-themed outfit, using string to tie lots of paperback novels to my waist, signifying Paperback Writer. It wasn't very inspired, but I did also create some mash-up posters for my flatmate (see picture), in the spirit of the cover of Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, while my flatmate covered our living room wall with images of the Beatles (also see picture). After it was over, a friend stayed with me. Intoxicated, we burned the midnight oil, admiring Lana Wachowski's HRC acceptance speech from 2012 – which continues to move me. Later, got stoned and hardly moved at all while staring at the laptop, to the trance-like music of Boards of Canada. An hour went before I realized I'd been watching a fairly blank screen, the music having taken me captive. But I don't like marijuana, or its effect on me.

Football World Cup: Mexico 1 Germany 0

The most interesting thing is dealing with the disappointment. Watching your team duke it out is an immersive experience: you imagine beforehand how good they could be. Then you get the anticlimactic reality. In response, I unplug the emotions. I have no influence on the game, therefore there's no point being too sad. I shrug my shoulders and exit the pub with my friend, a new distance grows between me and my team, and between me and the fantasy. If this continues, I may have to make ambitions of my own.

Frisbee in the park

Some weeks ago, I went to a park with Valentina and Vivek from my PhD room, and threw a Frisbee. Usually, I watch other people playing in the park, while I walk on by. But even here, throwing a Frisbee in the park, I wore a raincoat, being still too body conscious. Some day I'm going to relax in the park and take a selfie of myself as I'm reading in the sunlight, without a raincoat.

Football World Cup: Sweden 1 Germany 2

I'm glad I watched this with a friend, we were able to hug as Germany's winning goal went in, in the final minute of the game. Why does this win feel so important? Because the team is in the process of finding itself, it needs more time. Tis a thing of beauty to watch something fighting for its life, for its opportunity to exist and become something. This new German team is evolving erratically before our eyes. Life finds a way. Cosmic.

Scottish Parliament 1 Gina 0

I went to the Scottish parliament last week as part of the university's staff pride network, to a Pink News event that celebrated LGBT progress in business and politics. Was too ill to drink alcohol, but met some nice people, and I made no impact on anyone. The photo of me, mingling in the background, captures my experience better than a thousand words.

Learning to Smile
Anxiety Dreams and the Cisgender Label
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Guest
Saturday, 19 September 2020

Captcha Image

What's On This Week

My Latest Posts

July 01, 2020

Silenced by The Scotsman

​ On 11 June, The Scotsman published a deeply hostile article against transgender rights and activism in an opinion piece about the JK Rowling furore by its deputy political editor Gina Davidson. After much distress, I wrote a counter article which The Scotsman quietly ignored, after they had offered to pass it on to their Comment Editor. I experie...
May 11, 2020

The Book of Queer Prophets, curated by Ruth Hunt

in Books

  The Book of Queer Prophets: 24 Writers on Sexuality and Religion The historically fraught relationship between Abrahamic religions and LGBT+ identities provides the backdrop to The Book of Queer Prophets , a collection of twenty-four meditations by public figures who identify as both religious and LGBT+. The book's curator, the for...
May 09, 2020

Queer/Transgender short film: Mesmeralda

Joshua Matteo's short film, Mesmeralda , merging horror with esoterica, is now out on youtube . As with his previous work Metanoia , we see youthful trans actors racing through the empty streets of a moonlit New York, haunted by symbols and stalked by a masked figure of violent intentions. Mesmeralda , as described by Matteo, is the companion ...
March 08, 2020

Sterile like the moon: the joys of transgender healthcare

Sterile like the moon: the joys of transgender healthcare Summer, 2016: Gina's Big Bang, as transitioning begins A bureaucratic question in a sun-lit room. My medical practitioner asks me if I intend to have children. The question lingers, but the self-loathing is instant. No, I won't be having children. The practitioner nods. She moves on to the n...
November 10, 2019

General Election

General Election 12 December 2019 I spent the last election in an office, alone but for the company of a colleague. We watched the BBC's coverage while I drank wine, downbeat and expecting austerity and the absence of hope to triumph. Then we saw the exit poll and hung around, disbelieving at the sight of the kindled embers and lukewarm glow of a f...
Joker
October 05, 2019

Joker

October 05, 2019

Joker

Joker The trailer did its work, flashing images of anomie and fury perfectly pitched for these unstable times of precarious working conditions, grievance and institutional indifference. For these same reasons, Joker , directed by Todd Phillips and starring Joaquin Phoenix as the protagonist, has attracted pre-release criticisms like few other recen...
September 29, 2019

Resisting Whiteness event 2019

Resisting Whiteness one-day event, Edinburgh Returning for the second consecutive year, Resisting Whiteness came yesterday to the Pleasance Theatre in Edinburgh, providing an intense and inspiring series of panels, as well as a wonderful spoken word section, and a final segment based around the documentary short Invisible by internationally-acclaim...
August 21, 2019

Hearty by Emma Frankland

Hearty by Emma Frankland Raw and dripping with punk aesthetic, this one-woman-show's one-woman emerges in ripped tights and a T-shirt that paraphrases loudly the words of anti-trans theorist Germaine Greer: Lop Your Dick Off. My first impression of Emma Frankland is edgily uncertain and in awe, her Lady-Gaga-looks combined with Heath Ledger's mesme...
August 21, 2019

Pronoun, Pass, & Amnesty International

Transgender drama: Pronoun To be clear at the outset, this was the production of a youth theatre group, not a highly resourced team of experienced, professional career actors – although some of the performances left a powerful impression, and the show as a whole achieved some remarkable moments. Pronoun , written by Evan Placey, follows the transit...