Transgender Life

I don’t want this site to be solely about being transgender. From my experiences so far, it’s not even something I could write about every week – being in the closet is far more intense and frustrating and writeable. However, there are moments when things happen, unique to trans people. I’d like to share those moments with you, and let you into the mystery.

On AIDS, Twitter and a Bad Week at Work

BeFunky-Collage-AIDS-Twitter-Bunny

On AIDS, Twitter, and a Bad Week at Work 03.12.17

I went to an event on AIDS on Friday afternoon. I know so little about AIDS, mainly fragments from my childhood in the 1980s, of adverts with gravestones, then later a televised concert commemorating the death of Freddie Mercury. In the late 1990s I read a book by journalist/broadcaster Andrew Neil, about how he bravely fought to show how AIDS was a homosexual-related illness and had little to do with heterosexuals. I respect Andrew Neil, but I sometimes think the way he picks fights with the disempowered, tries to expose them and undermine them, is slightly off. I never hear him speaking out against tax havens, or the dangers of monopoly media ownership.

Anyway, I went to this event on AIDS, mainly because the organizer had helped me with Trans Remembrance. I find the subject of AIDS uncomfortable. I think of death, and people wasting away. I think of condoms. I think of needles and heroin being cooked on a dirty spoon. Anyway, it was a panel-based event and the panel was authoritative and knowledgeable and also very likeable. They spoke about how treatment for AIDS now allows people to live for decades in good health. There are all kinds of organizations that help people in different ways. Things have changed since the 1980s and 1990s, clearly.

I couldn't think of a good question to ask. I wanted to ask which AIDS-related movie they'd recommend. I'm glad I didn't ask this question but it is generally how I connect with things. I have seen Dallas Buyers Club and realize I need to watch Philadelphia. I do want to learn more about AIDS, but in my own pathetically glitzy way.

I've noticed from my recent posts that I'm always writing about TRANSGENDER stuff. The word is in almost every title of everything I post. This is partly because Trans Remembrance has coincided, but it's also because I've only just started using Twitter. Increasingly, I have found myself being radicalized by my Twitter account, the constant updates from trans activists, or the re-tweets about people who hate trans people. I am grateful for these updates, but equally, I feel the need to step back. Twitter does this to people. You get the constant stream of news on subjects you care about, every day, and it's like you're in a war. No wonder we're going crazy in the West. So I'd like to use Twitter less. I don't want to become like Donald Trump.

Finally, I had my probation meeting at work on Friday. It didn't go well. I'm too detached and don't look happy. Is it that the job is making me unhappy? Because if so . . .

It's interesting, because I was really so happy when I got this job. But it's true I did slip into perfunctory mode. The truth is, it's a six-hour-a-week part-time job and it makes me neither happy nor unhappy. I'm doing it for the money. Other things excite me: my studies, my event-organizing. But I need to re-approach my part-time job in a more dynamic frame of mind, because it's clear that my clock-in, clock-out manner has been well and truly clocked. It's funny how the thing you want can quickly stop being something so fantastical, and you settle down into it, and to some degree you're going through the motions, diligently, conscientiously, but ever so slightly without excitement. I felt really sad and shaken by my review-probation, for the first time since I started the job I was genuinely unhappy. When I talked to my flatmate later that evening I nearly started crying but checked myself – stiff-upper lip, Gina. For the second consecutive year, I really hate December, it's making me feel sick, for reasons I don't want to go into. But anyway, next week is another week, and at work, rest and play, Gina will be a happy bunny.
What's On?
A Difficult Week for Trans Rights
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Guest
Tuesday, 01 December 2020

Captcha Image

What's On This Week

My Latest Posts

November 17, 2020

If I were to detransition, this is what I would write

Warning: this is a speculative piece of writing, not an official announcement, although I have recently begun to imagine an 'ideological' detransition (from trans woman to GNC male). Here, I'm trying to articulate and reflect on my thoughts and feelings, and imagining myself from a different perspective. In this post, I'm Gina v...
November 17, 2020

Trans Hell-thcare

The picture accompanying this post is important to me. I took it yesterday, 16 November 2020, unsure what I'd find. It's been nearly eleven months since I came off oestrogen for reasons I'll get into in a moment. Undoubtedly this has had an effect on me, bodily and therefore psychologically, but the accompanying selfie gives me a reassura...
October 17, 2020

What if gender-critical feminism came to power?

This scenario is inspired by a dialogue I had yesterday evening with a gender-critical feminist just before I went to bed. Here is what I dreamed: In the summer of 2021, the Conservative minister Liz Truss introduces legislation, making women-only spaces legally accessible only to those born female. This U.K. law includes a provision for funding al...
October 13, 2020

Responses to my blog post (1)

A frustrating aspect of my website is that when people write in, there's no trace of an email address so no way of getting back to people, and also no way of publishing their messages. However, I received such a nice response to my article just now that I'd like to include it here. It's from some who for the sake of confidentiality (in case it's ne...
October 11, 2020

On adopting a more gender-critical transgender activism

On adopting a more gender-critical transgender activism Note to the reader: This post is intended as a contribution to addressing the current tensions between transgender activism and gender-critical feminism. The way I see myself in relation to female i dentity, and the ideas I express here, are not a prescription for other trans women. The t...
May 11, 2020

The Book of Queer Prophets, curated by Ruth Hunt

in Books

  The Book of Queer Prophets: 24 Writers on Sexuality and Religion The historically fraught relationship between Abrahamic religions and LGBT+ identities provides the backdrop to The Book of Queer Prophets , a collection of twenty-four meditations by public figures who identify as both religious and LGBT+. The book's curator, the for...
May 09, 2020

Queer/Transgender short film: Mesmeralda

Joshua Matteo's short film, Mesmeralda , merging horror with esoterica, is now out on youtube . As with his previous work Metanoia , we see youthful trans actors racing through the empty streets of a moonlit New York, haunted by symbols and stalked by a masked figure of violent intentions. Mesmeralda , as described by Matteo, is the companion ...
March 08, 2020

Sterile like the moon: the joys of transgender healthcare

Sterile like the moon: the joys of transgender healthcare Summer, 2016: Gina's Big Bang, as transitioning begins A bureaucratic question in a sun-lit room. My medical practitioner asks me if I intend to have children. The question lingers, but the self-loathing is instant. No, I won't be having children. The practitioner nods. She moves on to the n...
November 10, 2019

General Election

General Election 12 December 2019 I spent the last election in an office, alone but for the company of a colleague. We watched the BBC's coverage while I drank wine, downbeat and expecting austerity and the absence of hope to triumph. Then we saw the exit poll and hung around, disbelieving at the sight of the kindled embers and lukewarm glow of a f...