Transgender Life

I don’t want this site to be solely about being transgender. From my experiences so far, it’s not even something I could write about every week – being in the closet is far more intense and frustrating and writeable. However, there are moments when things happen, unique to trans people. I’d like to share those moments with you, and let you into the mystery.

While transphobes get more hateful, I become more freckly

Gina-Freckly-03.08.19

While transphobes got more hateful, I became more freckly

Written weeks after the conference Transgender: Intersectional/International

There's nothing good to say, even the films I enjoyed watching this past week, Midsommar and Apollo 11, I've lost the Sunday will to write. Perhaps Brexit Britain will become like the village cult in Midsommar, burning living effigies while everyone's on drugs. Maybe the E.U. is the Apollo space project. Those Apollo words: We come in peace, for all Mankind. The E.U. was built on the ruins of a devastated post-war Europe. Let's build something beautiful together. Let's remember what's important, come together, and build.

I walked in sunshine this past week and got freckly. In the evenings, I sometimes made the mistake of looking on my twitter feed and then got sad. The sadness went away, the freckles stayed. I've decided to stay away from Twitter for a while, just a decade or two. Walking in the sun leaves a much healthier legacy.

I increasingly don't want to look at emails or twitter. I would love to get in a car and drive far away. These are strange sentiments for a cold cyborg. Can cyborgs have freckles? Do they feel the warmth of the sun against their skin? Do cyborgs want to climb into a car and head off far away? I wonder if cyborgs look at social media with indifference. We'll know a cyborg's truly alive when it looks up from social media and wants to kill itself.

I've been reading about cyberpunk, the genre but also the philosophy that spawned from it (or did the philosophy spawn the genre, I'm not sure). For the uninitiated, cyberpunk includes productions like Blade Runner, the anime film Ghost in the Shell, and The Matrix, dealing with imaginings about clones, cyborgs, cyberspace and virtual reality. As someone running away from social media like Twitter, I have developed feelings about what the technology does to people. Kevin Robins says we submerge ourselves on social media and the Internet as if we could simply transcend the frustrating and disappointing imperfection of the here and now. Robins goes on to say that the Techno-community is an anti-political ideal, because a social system is only viable if it can create a certain disorder, if it can admit a certain level of uncertainty, if it can tolerate a certain level of fear. I think, based on recent experience, that I agree. I want to live in a world where people can disagree with each other and more importantly get things wrong, as long as it's respectful. I'm not talking tolerating Trump, Farage, or Boris. But to each other, strangers in a room, on a street, a train platform maybe. Of course this privileges those already occupying positions of power and normality, but there's something exhausting about walking on eggshells, suffering a constant paranoia you might say or do the wrong thing and be accused of bad intentions. This isn't to say that we're not all capable of growth and evolution, but as a teacher, I believe the first rule of pedagogy is that people only learn when they've made mistakes.

Anyway, last night I lay on my bed reading, while listening to bootlegs of Pink Floyd at their late-sixties, early-seventies peak. Their words, Strangers passing in the street, by chance two separate glances meet, and I am you, and what you see is me. With the world seemingly falling apart around me in a love affair with enmity and selfishness, and me staying away from social media and too much news, it's like I'm in a trance, in a cosmic, pastoral Pink Floyd song, startle me and I might just disappear.

General Election
Personal Reflections on Transgender: Intersectiona...
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Guest
Thursday, 06 May 2021

Captcha Image

What's On This Week

My Latest Posts

May 02, 2021

When Renata Carvalho spoke at Edinburgh Transgender Intersectional/International (2019)

In 2019, I was part of a conference that invited the travesti actress and activist Renata Carvalho - star of Jo Clifford's 'The Gospel According to Jesus, Queen of Heaven' on its touring production in Brazil - to come over from Brazil as our keynote speaker. We originally uploaded the speech on our conference website, but with that w...
December 22, 2020

Lacanian Icarus: when Gina flew too close to the sun?

On the recent experience of nearly being no-platformed There are two identities in one when it comes to being part of a disempowered minority. The first is for yourself: all your failings, your insecurities, your doubts, and connected to this, your curiosity and quirks. Let's be Lacanian analysts for a moment: what we're talking about is the transg...
November 17, 2020

Trans Hell-thcare

The picture accompanying this post is important to me. I took it yesterday, 16 November 2020, unsure what I'd find. It's been nearly eleven months since I came off oestrogen for reasons I'll get into in a moment. Undoubtedly this has had an effect on me, bodily and therefore psychologically, but the accompanying selfie gives me a reassura...
July 01, 2020

Silenced by The Scotsman

Update: in view of my recent shift towards a more sympathetic and supportive position with Gender-Critical feminism, this blog post might seem incongruous. It does represent my distress at the way the media portrayed the JK Rowling furore at the time. However, since that time, and in further studying the statements and positions of JK Rowling ...
May 11, 2020

The Book of Queer Prophets, curated by Ruth Hunt

in Books

  The Book of Queer Prophets: 24 Writers on Sexuality and Religion The historically fraught relationship between Abrahamic religions and LGBT+ identities provides the backdrop to The Book of Queer Prophets , a collection of twenty-four meditations by public figures who identify as both religious and LGBT+. The book's curator, the for...
May 09, 2020

Queer/Transgender short film: Mesmeralda

Joshua Matteo's short film, Mesmeralda , merging horror with esoterica, is now out on youtube . As with his previous work Metanoia , we see youthful trans actors racing through the empty streets of a moonlit New York, haunted by symbols and stalked by a masked figure of violent intentions. Mesmeralda , as described by Matteo, is the companion ...
March 08, 2020

Sterile like the moon: the joys of transgender healthcare

Sterile like the moon: the joys of transgender healthcare Summer, 2016: Gina's Big Bang, as transitioning begins A bureaucratic question in a sun-lit room. My medical practitioner asks me if I intend to have children. The question lingers, but the self-loathing is instant. No, I won't be having children. The practitioner nods. She moves on to the n...
November 10, 2019

General Election

General Election 12 December 2019 I spent the last election in an office, alone but for the company of a colleague. We watched the BBC's coverage while I drank wine, downbeat and expecting austerity and the absence of hope to triumph. Then we saw the exit poll and hung around, disbelieving at the sight of the kindled embers and lukewarm glow of a f...
Joker
October 05, 2019

Joker

October 05, 2019

Joker

Joker The trailer did its work, flashing images of anomie and fury perfectly pitched for these unstable times of precarious working conditions, grievance and institutional indifference. For these same reasons, Joker , directed by Todd Phillips and starring Joaquin Phoenix as the protagonist, has attracted pre-release criticisms like few other recen...